ARGUMENTATION IN RELATIONSHIPS - BY DR. HESPEY

ARGUMENTATION IN RELATIONSHIP

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

An Argument Is A Statement Or Set Of Statements That You Use In Order To Try To Convince People That Your Opinion About Something Is Correct.

In A Case Study Of Mine, I Discovered That A Relationship With No Arguments Is Likely To Be A Relationship With A Lot Of Secrets And Sometimes Secretive Relationships Aren’t So Good Enough For Us.
This Is Why I See Disagreements In Relationships To be Healthy When They Are Minimal.

And The Truth That I Have Come About Them Is That: They Help Partners To Get To Know More Of Each Other’s Likes And Dislikes.
And When Disagreements Arise Between Partners It Doesn’t Mean That They Should Just End A Relationship.
Sometimes A Break Up Is Not A Solution To Minor Problems That Can Be Solved.
Talking Things Out Is Better Than Letting Go Of A Relationship You Have Kept For Many Years Or Months.
So Whenever Disagreements Come Up In Your Relationship Don’t Always Think Of Breaking Up With Your Partner As A Solution.
You Just Have To Text, Call Or Meet Your Partner And You Have A Straight Heart To Heart Talk.
If You Were The One Wrong Admit And Say Sorry To Your Lover. Walk Away, Because Winning That Particular Argument Might Not Worth All The Strife. Take Your Energy Out Of A Losing Battle And Conserve It For Another Time.
And Don’t Feel Bad About Conceding Even If You Feel You Still Have A Horse In The Race. After All, What Does One Really Gain By Arguing With Someone Who Fails To See The Legitima In The Ideas And Opinions Of Others?

So Take A Step Back And Ask Yourself Of The Outcome Of The Argument, Wherever The Victory Falls, Will They Really Make Any Difference To You, At All. This Is What Happy Couples Do When They Fight.
So Instead Of Being The Win-seeker, Relax And Make Things Work As They Ought To. And I Am Certain If Your Partner Truly Loves You He Or She Will Forgive You And Your Relationship Will Go On. So Don’t Feel Too Big To Say Sorry To Your Lover.
Saying Sorry Takes Nothing From You It’s Just A Small Word Which Quickly Soothes The Tension Or The Pain Between Lovers But Very Many People Out There Fail To Say It.
Say It Whenever You Are Wrong So That You Can Save Your Relationship And Always Mean It.

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DR. HESPEY

NECESSITY FOR MARRIAGE - BY DR. HESPEY

NECESSITY FOR MARRIAGE

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

Marriage, As We All Know Is The Union Of Two Opposite Gender, Either For Reproduction Or For Companionship. But The Question That Has Been Coming To My Table For Long Is: "Is Marriage Really Important? And How High Are We To Rate Marriage?"

This Is Why I Have Decided To Bring To You Some Of The Major Reason Why Marriage Is An Important Factor Of Life. Though For Everything Under The Sun, There Are Disadvantages & Advantages. But For The Sake Of Positivity We Will Discuss It Advantage Because Its Advantages Are More Profitable Than Its Disadvantages.

The Advantages Of Marriage As I Have Claimed Is Certain, This Is So, Because For The Fact That There Are Disadvantages In Remaining Single, It Simply Implies That There Are Advantages In Being Married Of Which I Strongly Believe It Cannot Be Denied By Anyone.

First And Foremost, The Creator Of The Universe Himself Exclaimed In The Scripture That "It Is Never Good For The Man To Be Alone" Just As Found In The Book Genesis 2:18. The Unionism Of A Man And A Woman Known As Marriage Was Therefore Instituted Due To This.
From The Beginning, The Marital Relationship Became A Place Of Healing. Just As This Was True For Adam When The Wounds Of Solitude Were Soothed By Eve As Found In Genesis 2:23, So It Is One Of The Characteristics Of Healthy Marriages Today. Couples Bring Old Hurts And Insecurities To Their Marriage. As A New Pattern Of Loving Is Established, Those Scars And Bruises Are Gradually Touched And Healed By God Through One Another. Then They Lose Their Restrictive Power.

The Love That Marriage Produces Is Never Unlimited, Because Marital Love Often Frees Persons To Love Others. Marriage Can Therefore Double A Person's Effectiveness In The Service Of God.
A Couple's Usefulness Is Enhanced By Their Completion Of Each Other And Their Complementarity. As At The Beginning, Marriage Is That Point Where Two Sexually Incomplete But Compatible Persons Of The Opposite Sex Unite. In Fusing Their Bodies, They Create A Whole, New, Third Person, "Us." There Is No Loss Of Identity In This Fusion. Rather, This Combination Of Resources Is An Investment From Which Both Gain. The Dividends Are Mutual Strength, Encouragement And Support. As These "Two Solitudes Protect And Touch And Greet Each Other," They In Turn Find Themselves Able To Reach Out To Others. This Is Love's Overflow. It Is One Of The Reasons Why Christian Marriages Are Greatly Used By God.

For Marital Union Also Known As Marriage Is Not Just About Sexual Activities. Christian Marriage Can Be That Place Where Two Loves Meet; The Human And The Divine, It Can Be A Place Where Interactions With God Becomes A Joint Activity.

The Author Of Genesis Unveils His Mystery In Genesis 1:28-29. Adam And Eve Met The Lord God Who Talked To Them, Instructed Them And Walked With Them In The Garden.
The Joys Of Family Life, Moreover, Are Frequently Applauded In The Old Testament. It Does Not Even Mention A Word For "Bachelor." It Would Seem That Marriage Was The Norm In Those Days.
Then What Does The New Testament Teaches About Marriage? It Is Being Derived That Jesus Places A Strong Emphasis On The Sanctity Of The Marital Bond. He Reiterates The Responsibility That Couples Have To Leave The Past Behind So That They Are Free To Unite To Form A One-body Relationship. Jesus Does Not Only Acknowledges Marriage; He Blesses It With His Presence In The Book Of John 2, Rescues Embarrassed Newly-weds With A Miracle, And Promises That Couples Who Work At "Leaving And Cleaving" Will, Gradually, Become One Just A Found In Matthew 19:4-6.
The Partners Are The Objects Both Of The Other's Love And Of God's Love
This Is The Great Advantage Of Marriage.

This Love Sustains The Woman Who Needs To Be Valued, Respected And Comforted.

But That's Not All, It Also Nurtures The Man Whose Need Is For A Companion, Someone Who Will Be All For Him, Who Will Be On His Side In Times Of Stress.

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DR. HESPEY (2019)

ALLURING SEXUAL VIOLENCE - BY DR. HESPEY

ALLURING SEXUAL VIOLENCE

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

Sexual violence is a serious public health and human rights problem with both short-term and long-term consequences on women's physical, mental, and sexual and reproductive health. Whether sexual violence occurs in the context of an intimate partnership, within the larger family or community structure, or during times of conflict, it is a deeply violating and painful experience for its survivor.

Sexual violence is defined as a sexual act committed against someone without that person’s freely given consent. Sexual violence includes the followings:

• Completed or attempted forced penetration of a victim

• Includes unwanted vaginal, oral, or anal insertion through use of physical force or threats to bring physical harm toward or against the victim.

• Completed or attempted alcohol or drug-facilitated penetration of a victim. This includes unwanted vaginal, oral, or anal insertion when the victim was unable to consent because he or she was too intoxicated (e.g. unconscious, or lack of awareness) through voluntary or involuntary use of alcohol or drugs.

Sexual violence isn't just a “women’s issue.” Men and women play a significant role in its prevention. Acknowledging sexual violence as a community-wide problem that impacts all persons regardless of gender is vital to preventing sexual assault.

The goal of sexual violence prevention is simple, and that's to stop it from happening in the first place. The solutions, however, are just as complex as the problem.
Preventing sexual violence requires comprehensive prevention strategies that address factors at each level of the social ecology—individual, relationship, community, and society.

Prevention or alluring of sexual violence needs to begin in early childhood and continue for a full lifetime. Teaching skills to prevent violence starts with learning empathy for others, communication skills and problem solving. It involves promoting healthy sexual behavior through sex education focused on respect for self and others, communication and consent.

Due to our concern for human, here are few list of steps in alluring sexual violence:

1. Stay alert and aware: The very first step for every form of danger avoidance is to Know where the exits are if you are in a building. In crowded places such as nightclubs, churches, mosques or event grounds, always let someone know where you will be. Do not go to isolated places in a building, if you must go, take a friend. Always turn around and look at whoever may be behind you.

2. Do not hide a spare key in obvious places such as under the mat, in a potted plant, in a fake rock or on the doorsill, etc: Residence hall students should keep their room keys in their possession at all times. Do not leave door keys hanging in locks or laying out in plain view of others. Even as a guy, I have mastered the habit of locking myself in my room when alone, just for privacies. So Always lock your doors after you enter your residence, hall, room/house/apartment and also when you leave.

3. Know your sexual limits: In your relationship, there is a great need to know your limits, that's because What you want (sexual violence avoidance) is critical, and you need to know what that is. Be assertive about your limits. You have the right to say “NO.” Communicate your desires with your partner. Communication leads to stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

4. Rape or sexual violence can occur when one or both individuals are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. So Set limits on the consumption of alcohol: Be aware of “Date Rape” drugs. The drugs (Rohypnol, GHB) are odorless and tasteless and can be easily slipped into soft drinks, juices or alcoholic drinks undetected. Do not leave your beverage unattended or accept something to drink from someone you do not know well or trust.

5. Don’t be afraid to “make waves” or hurt someone’s feelings if you feel they are threatening to you: In a relationship, if you feel threatened, it is far better to run and avoid being a victim of sexual violence. It is Better for you to have just few minutes/hours/days of social awkwardness and embarrassment than to go on with life in the trauma of sexual assault.

6. Do not wear skimpy, too attractive or tempting clothes: This is so important, as to the fact that rough dressing attract wrong deeds, so in order to be sexually safe, there is a great need to dress decently and be of godly character, characters which shows you to be of the most high God.

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DR. HESPEY (2018)

EXCEPTIONAL MEN'S NEEDS IN MARRIAGE

EXCEPTIONAL MEN'S NEEDS IN MARRIAGE

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

In a recent conversation with few female friends, there is this lady I asked that: what exactly do you think any guy will really desire from a you?

Her response happens to be what almost every lady already has in mind. She said: Once I am good in bed, able to cook delicious meals & good at my chores, he should be fine and his wants or needs shouldn't go beyond that.

But there is a missing truth in almost every lady, that only few of them possess it.

And that truth is that sex and food can never keep any man no matter how favourite they both are to him. Most Men could really be so secretive and won't tell you what their desires really are, but if you are a good observer and you are patient enough you can get deep into a man’s heart and understand what he wants.
When a man sees the woman he wants to get married to, there are some things he secretly desires that such a woman should bring to the marriage, of which he may not want to mention them.

The very first this I think every exceptional man needs is:

• COMPANIONSHIP: It is been observed that an exceptional husband isn't just a lover but also a friend. Staying friends and companions throughout the years requires that you find ways to make quality time to be together and have new experiences.
And most importantly, Marrying your best friend also means being mindful of how you talk to each other, not taking him for granted, and making small sacrifices to please each other.

Aside the fact that a man needs a companion he also need an

• AFFECTION: Though sex remains very important for most men, but the exceptional ones really want something more and that's Affection. Whether it's holding his hand in public, leaving a love message on his voicemail, or telling him you love him each & every opportunity you gets, it's an act of showing that you care about him, and this will definitely touch his heart.
Simple things you can do include telling him how much you love him, cheering him up when he's feeling doubtful, and telling him you're sorry when things go wrong. You can always go ahead and give him an unexpected hug.

• CARE:
What kills most relationships is that the ladies therein usually feels all cares beings to them. But the fact is that, These days men want to be pampered and cared for by their wife; they want a woman who would be sweet and romantic to them also. It is widely knowns that women openly desire this, but the truth is that men secretly desire it.
Men secretly desire their wife to want them; that is to value them and hold them in high esteem. They want their wife to be proud of them and to cherish them. This would really make them feel like a proud husband in marriage.

• RESPECT: One thing I come to understand & learn is that: Creating a loving and memorable marriage starts with respect right from the day of courtship. Some of those best ways a wife can show her husband that she loves and respects him is by:

- Actively listening to him when he talks, and not interrupting.
- Avoiding making any negative comments about his thoughts and opinions.
- Being considerate of his upcoming plans.
- Avoiding the use of "eye roll" when you disagree with him on anything
- Generally being positive, thankful, and considerate of his wants and needs.3.want their wife to be patient with them and tolerate them as well.

• UNDIVIDED LOVE & ATTENTION: Few weeks ago, I was actually discussing with a lady on how busy most men use to be with their work, the next thing she said was: "if he is too busy to accept my love, I will have to transfer them to my children". And in most homes, it is been noted that this is happening already. My findings shows that women’s love for their husbands tend to be divided after having kids, and the kids even have a greater percentage of the love than the husbands most times. Though, loving ones children is paramount, but neglecting ones husband is dangerous. Exceptional men want to be loved even after having children, they just won't ask for it.
Men also expect these things from the woman they are to marry. So be the best you can be, during courtship and extend your best to your marriage.

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    DR. HESPEY

TRAINING ON SEX: PRE OR POST MARRIAGE? - WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

TRAINING ON SEX: PRE OR POST MARRIAGE?

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

I bless the name of the Lord for who he really is, and for his ways of seeing the importance in his creations.

God created sexual activities as a means of reproduction, pleasure & showing love among couples. He created it to bring in intimacy & to bring to fulfillment each & every of his plan to mankind.

But the question is: Do we really see all these importance as they ought to be seen? Do we view all these benefits in the mirror of its creator?

Lying awake, I thought of what other reason (s) could be behind most broken or shattered homes, and the idea of sexual training & its practice came into my mind.

Now the real question is: should sexual training come before or after marriage?

Well, in a recent tutorial class, we were made to understand that "he who fail to plan has actually plan to fail", but does this include sexual training?

One thing we all need to know is that: "whatever we plan or train for, actually requires its implementation. And bringing it to God's laid down plan for sexual activities, it is meant to be fulfilled among the married ones. So why train for it when you aren't married?

This is why as a counsellor, I see the training of sexual activities before marriage as a tool that is harmful. This is true, because "for every training, there must be a practice". In a contemporary world, PRE marriage sexual training does nothing, but bring you closer to the risk of fornication and this in turn create boundary between you and your maker.

I have come across some couples whose partner is never satisfied sexually, and in the course of looking for satisfaction, he or she may need to step out to fulfil that desire and when questioned, one of those reasons that brought about the act usually comes from the act of PRE marriage training on sex which in turn led to adultery.

Post marriage training on sex is the best line of advice a better counsellor can ever give. One thing that is certain about post marriage training on sex is that: "you won't be trained by any other than your partner" & "you will both train each other to your satisfaction" & "through God's given grace, you will both fulfil God's plan by doing his will".

The act of PRE marriage training on sex was discussed in the bible and described as the act of "awakening love when it's not ripe".

Dear brethren & sister, it is always a thing of joy when each & every game is being played according to the rules guiding them. Play your game as expected of God.

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DR. HESPEY (2018)

CONTROLLING YOUR ERECTION AS SINGLES - BY DR. HESPEY

CONTROLLING YOUR ERECTION AS SINGLES

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

The Act Of Being Able To Control Things Around Us Is The Visibility Of Strength, One Of Those Things That Talk About How Strong Or Weak We Are Is Our Personal Mode Of Attacking Whichever Situation We Find Our Self In.
Now, One Thing Most Singles Usually Feels Is That Talking About Erections Seems Embarrassing To Them. But The Fact I Need To To Understand As A Medical Practitioner Is That: Erection Is A Perfectly Normal Part Of Puberty, And Another Point Is That The Older You Get, The More Control You Should Have Over Them.
While You Probably Think It's Embarrassing, Erections Are A Fact Of Male Life And Partly Females (But Only Known To Them). According To My Study In Medical, Women’s Bodies Become Aroused In A Range Of Situations Too, However Women’s Arousal Isn’t Visible In The Same Way That Men’s Arousal Is Visible Via Their Erections.
Women Will Sometimes Experience Genital Warmth, Tingly Sensations Or Vaginal Lubrication When They Feel Aroused Or See Someone Attractive. They May Or May Not Notice These Signs, Though, Because, Again, These Signs Aren’t As Obvious As Men’s Erections But That Doesn’t Mean That They Don’t Occur. In Fact, It Would Be Very Difficult For A Male To Have Sexual Intercourse Without One!
But One Thing I Need You All To Always Note Is That: Your Mind Can Be Very Powerful In Controlling Your Erections.
And That Is Why I Have Decided To Give Out Few Tips On How To Be In Charge Of Your Erection And Not Your Erection Being In Charge Of You.
As Singles, The Following Tips Are Necessary:
1. Think Nonsexual Thoughts To Avoid Becoming Sexually Aroused: As A Single, Whenever The Thought Of Sex Fails To Leave Your Mind, It Will Be Very Difficult For You To Avoid Being Drown By Your Erection. So Instead, Think About Homework, Party, The Scripture Or An Upcoming Event That Excites You.
2. If You Wear Boxer Shorts And Have Frequently Occurring Erections, Consider Wearing Briefs Or Boxer-brief Underwear: These Tend To Fit Tighter And Could Help Hide Your Erection From Public View.
If Worse Comes To Worst, Just Stay Seated And Remain Calm Until The Erection Goes Away After Implementing The First Tip. If You Have To Get Off The Bus, Consider Untucking Your Shirt. Or Use Your Backpack Or A Textbook To Shield It.
3. Distract Yourself From Your Present Thought: We All Know That It's Much Easier Said Than Done, But If You Can Find A Way To Distract Yourself, You Are Halfway Home. Get Your Mind Focused On Something Important, Irreverent, Or Just Plain Weird. According To A Research I Just Did Recently, It's Being Discovered That It's Hard To Actually Think And Have An Erection At The Same Time.
Remember, It's Usually Mind Over Matter When It Comes To Erections. Find What Techniques Work Best For You While Hormones Are Ruling Your Body
Sometimes, Life Throws You A Curveball. You're In A Social Situation, Or With The Opposite Sex, And Before You Know It, There's A Rumbling In Your Loins. Fine, We've All Been There Before: It's Awkward As All Heck And The More You Try, The Worse It Seems To Get. But I Am Here Today To Tell You, Fret Not, Compatriot. An Unwanted Erection Will Bow To Your Will If You Know The Right Techniques — A Combination Of Mind And Body Control.
One Of The Major & Important Fruit Of The Spirit In The Bible Is The Spirit Of Self Control, When One Possesses This, One Is In Charge. Today, Try Seek For It If Not Gotten.
It Is Very Rewarding & Honouring To Be In Charge Of One's Life, Than Being Controlled By A Common Feeling. Control Your Erection, Don't Let It Control You.
God Bless.

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     DR. HESPEY (2018)

THE UNTERMINATED PREGNANCY - BY DR. HESPEY

A SHORT STORY & A LESSON FOR SINGLE GUYS/LADIES
THE UNTERMINATED PREGNANCY

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

It All Started About 3 Decades Ago.
Whereby A Woman Got Married As A VIRGIN To Her Beloved Husband, Their First Of Her Conceptions Was That Of A Baby Girl After Her Wedding, Few Years Later, This Same Woman Conceived For The Second Time In Her Marriage.
This Great Woman Never For Once Thought Of Terminating The Pregnancy. Do You Know Why?
Its Simply Because It Wasn't OUT OF WEDLOCK.
She Hereby Carried The Pregnancy With Her Throughout The 1st, 2nd & The 3rd Semester Without Any SHAME, Without REGRET, Simply Because It Wasn't OUT OF WEDLOCK.
With The Aid Of Her Husband, She Push And Pull Through All The Difficulties A Twin Pregnancy Could Bring.
She Finally Gave Birth To Her Baby.
But To Her Surprise, She Gave Birth To 2 Fabulous Kids On The 7th Of August Of That Year.
Wow, What A Day It Was For The Family Of The Oderindes.

My Dear Single Guys & Ladies,
When Pregnancy Comes In, In WEDLOCK, There Is NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
NO SHAME ATTACHED.
NO REGRET.
This Is Because It Is In WEDLOCK.
It Is Wanted, Just As The WILL OF GOD For Every Marriage.
Stay Clear From Premarital Sex, Choose Sexual Purity.
Kudos To My Dad.
Kudos To My Mum.
They Both Brought Blessings To The World.
Rest On Mum.
Rest On Dad.
We Miss You!!!
Happy Birthday to RACHKENNY & DR. HESPEY Once Again.

Thanks for reading!!!

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     DR. HESPEY (2018)