ALLURING SEXUAL VIOLENCE - BY DR. HESPEY

ALLURING SEXUAL VIOLENCE

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

Sexual violence is a serious public health and human rights problem with both short-term and long-term consequences on women's physical, mental, and sexual and reproductive health. Whether sexual violence occurs in the context of an intimate partnership, within the larger family or community structure, or during times of conflict, it is a deeply violating and painful experience for its survivor.

Sexual violence is defined as a sexual act committed against someone without that person’s freely given consent. Sexual violence includes the followings:

• Completed or attempted forced penetration of a victim

• Includes unwanted vaginal, oral, or anal insertion through use of physical force or threats to bring physical harm toward or against the victim.

• Completed or attempted alcohol or drug-facilitated penetration of a victim. This includes unwanted vaginal, oral, or anal insertion when the victim was unable to consent because he or she was too intoxicated (e.g. unconscious, or lack of awareness) through voluntary or involuntary use of alcohol or drugs.

Sexual violence isn't just a “women’s issue.” Men and women play a significant role in its prevention. Acknowledging sexual violence as a community-wide problem that impacts all persons regardless of gender is vital to preventing sexual assault.

The goal of sexual violence prevention is simple, and that's to stop it from happening in the first place. The solutions, however, are just as complex as the problem.
Preventing sexual violence requires comprehensive prevention strategies that address factors at each level of the social ecology—individual, relationship, community, and society.

Prevention or alluring of sexual violence needs to begin in early childhood and continue for a full lifetime. Teaching skills to prevent violence starts with learning empathy for others, communication skills and problem solving. It involves promoting healthy sexual behavior through sex education focused on respect for self and others, communication and consent.

Due to our concern for human, here are few list of steps in alluring sexual violence:

1. Stay alert and aware: The very first step for every form of danger avoidance is to Know where the exits are if you are in a building. In crowded places such as nightclubs, churches, mosques or event grounds, always let someone know where you will be. Do not go to isolated places in a building, if you must go, take a friend. Always turn around and look at whoever may be behind you.

2. Do not hide a spare key in obvious places such as under the mat, in a potted plant, in a fake rock or on the doorsill, etc: Residence hall students should keep their room keys in their possession at all times. Do not leave door keys hanging in locks or laying out in plain view of others. Even as a guy, I have mastered the habit of locking myself in my room when alone, just for privacies. So Always lock your doors after you enter your residence, hall, room/house/apartment and also when you leave.

3. Know your sexual limits: In your relationship, there is a great need to know your limits, that's because What you want (sexual violence avoidance) is critical, and you need to know what that is. Be assertive about your limits. You have the right to say “NO.” Communicate your desires with your partner. Communication leads to stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

4. Rape or sexual violence can occur when one or both individuals are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. So Set limits on the consumption of alcohol: Be aware of “Date Rape” drugs. The drugs (Rohypnol, GHB) are odorless and tasteless and can be easily slipped into soft drinks, juices or alcoholic drinks undetected. Do not leave your beverage unattended or accept something to drink from someone you do not know well or trust.

5. Don’t be afraid to “make waves” or hurt someone’s feelings if you feel they are threatening to you: In a relationship, if you feel threatened, it is far better to run and avoid being a victim of sexual violence. It is Better for you to have just few minutes/hours/days of social awkwardness and embarrassment than to go on with life in the trauma of sexual assault.

6. Do not wear skimpy, too attractive or tempting clothes: This is so important, as to the fact that rough dressing attract wrong deeds, so in order to be sexually safe, there is a great need to dress decently and be of godly character, characters which shows you to be of the most high God.

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© ODERINDE TAIWO JOEL

DR. HESPEY (2018)

EXCEPTIONAL MEN'S NEEDS IN MARRIAGE

EXCEPTIONAL MEN'S NEEDS IN MARRIAGE

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

In a recent conversation with few female friends, there is this lady I asked that: what exactly do you think any guy will really desire from a you?

Her response happens to be what almost every lady already has in mind. She said: Once I am good in bed, able to cook delicious meals & good at my chores, he should be fine and his wants or needs shouldn't go beyond that.

But there is a missing truth in almost every lady, that only few of them possess it.

And that truth is that sex and food can never keep any man no matter how favourite they both are to him. Most Men could really be so secretive and won't tell you what their desires really are, but if you are a good observer and you are patient enough you can get deep into a man’s heart and understand what he wants.
When a man sees the woman he wants to get married to, there are some things he secretly desires that such a woman should bring to the marriage, of which he may not want to mention them.

The very first this I think every exceptional man needs is:

• COMPANIONSHIP: It is been observed that an exceptional husband isn't just a lover but also a friend. Staying friends and companions throughout the years requires that you find ways to make quality time to be together and have new experiences.
And most importantly, Marrying your best friend also means being mindful of how you talk to each other, not taking him for granted, and making small sacrifices to please each other.

Aside the fact that a man needs a companion he also need an

• AFFECTION: Though sex remains very important for most men, but the exceptional ones really want something more and that's Affection. Whether it's holding his hand in public, leaving a love message on his voicemail, or telling him you love him each & every opportunity you gets, it's an act of showing that you care about him, and this will definitely touch his heart.
Simple things you can do include telling him how much you love him, cheering him up when he's feeling doubtful, and telling him you're sorry when things go wrong. You can always go ahead and give him an unexpected hug.

• CARE:
What kills most relationships is that the ladies therein usually feels all cares beings to them. But the fact is that, These days men want to be pampered and cared for by their wife; they want a woman who would be sweet and romantic to them also. It is widely knowns that women openly desire this, but the truth is that men secretly desire it.
Men secretly desire their wife to want them; that is to value them and hold them in high esteem. They want their wife to be proud of them and to cherish them. This would really make them feel like a proud husband in marriage.

• RESPECT: One thing I come to understand & learn is that: Creating a loving and memorable marriage starts with respect right from the day of courtship. Some of those best ways a wife can show her husband that she loves and respects him is by:

- Actively listening to him when he talks, and not interrupting.
- Avoiding making any negative comments about his thoughts and opinions.
- Being considerate of his upcoming plans.
- Avoiding the use of "eye roll" when you disagree with him on anything
- Generally being positive, thankful, and considerate of his wants and needs.3.want their wife to be patient with them and tolerate them as well.

• UNDIVIDED LOVE & ATTENTION: Few weeks ago, I was actually discussing with a lady on how busy most men use to be with their work, the next thing she said was: "if he is too busy to accept my love, I will have to transfer them to my children". And in most homes, it is been noted that this is happening already. My findings shows that women’s love for their husbands tend to be divided after having kids, and the kids even have a greater percentage of the love than the husbands most times. Though, loving ones children is paramount, but neglecting ones husband is dangerous. Exceptional men want to be loved even after having children, they just won't ask for it.
Men also expect these things from the woman they are to marry. So be the best you can be, during courtship and extend your best to your marriage.

Thanks for reading!!!

If this blessed you, share to bless others!!!

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Www.drhezpey.wordPress.com

Www.abstinencetillmarriage.wordpress.com or

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For enquiries/counsellings/invitations/sponsorship/partnership:

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© ODERINDE TAIWO JOEL

    DR. HESPEY

TRAINING ON SEX: PRE OR POST MARRIAGE? - WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

TRAINING ON SEX: PRE OR POST MARRIAGE?

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

I bless the name of the Lord for who he really is, and for his ways of seeing the importance in his creations.

God created sexual activities as a means of reproduction, pleasure & showing love among couples. He created it to bring in intimacy & to bring to fulfillment each & every of his plan to mankind.

But the question is: Do we really see all these importance as they ought to be seen? Do we view all these benefits in the mirror of its creator?

Lying awake, I thought of what other reason (s) could be behind most broken or shattered homes, and the idea of sexual training & its practice came into my mind.

Now the real question is: should sexual training come before or after marriage?

Well, in a recent tutorial class, we were made to understand that "he who fail to plan has actually plan to fail", but does this include sexual training?

One thing we all need to know is that: "whatever we plan or train for, actually requires its implementation. And bringing it to God's laid down plan for sexual activities, it is meant to be fulfilled among the married ones. So why train for it when you aren't married?

This is why as a counsellor, I see the training of sexual activities before marriage as a tool that is harmful. This is true, because "for every training, there must be a practice". In a contemporary world, PRE marriage sexual training does nothing, but bring you closer to the risk of fornication and this in turn create boundary between you and your maker.

I have come across some couples whose partner is never satisfied sexually, and in the course of looking for satisfaction, he or she may need to step out to fulfil that desire and when questioned, one of those reasons that brought about the act usually comes from the act of PRE marriage training on sex which in turn led to adultery.

Post marriage training on sex is the best line of advice a better counsellor can ever give. One thing that is certain about post marriage training on sex is that: "you won't be trained by any other than your partner" & "you will both train each other to your satisfaction" & "through God's given grace, you will both fulfil God's plan by doing his will".

The act of PRE marriage training on sex was discussed in the bible and described as the act of "awakening love when it's not ripe".

Dear brethren & sister, it is always a thing of joy when each & every game is being played according to the rules guiding them. Play your game as expected of God.

Thanks for reading!!!

If this blessed you, share to bless others!!!

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© ODERINDE TAIWO JOEL

DR. HESPEY (2018)

CONTROLLING YOUR ERECTION AS SINGLES - BY DR. HESPEY

CONTROLLING YOUR ERECTION AS SINGLES

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

The Act Of Being Able To Control Things Around Us Is The Visibility Of Strength, One Of Those Things That Talk About How Strong Or Weak We Are Is Our Personal Mode Of Attacking Whichever Situation We Find Our Self In.
Now, One Thing Most Singles Usually Feels Is That Talking About Erections Seems Embarrassing To Them. But The Fact I Need To To Understand As A Medical Practitioner Is That: Erection Is A Perfectly Normal Part Of Puberty, And Another Point Is That The Older You Get, The More Control You Should Have Over Them.
While You Probably Think It's Embarrassing, Erections Are A Fact Of Male Life And Partly Females (But Only Known To Them). According To My Study In Medical, Women’s Bodies Become Aroused In A Range Of Situations Too, However Women’s Arousal Isn’t Visible In The Same Way That Men’s Arousal Is Visible Via Their Erections.
Women Will Sometimes Experience Genital Warmth, Tingly Sensations Or Vaginal Lubrication When They Feel Aroused Or See Someone Attractive. They May Or May Not Notice These Signs, Though, Because, Again, These Signs Aren’t As Obvious As Men’s Erections But That Doesn’t Mean That They Don’t Occur. In Fact, It Would Be Very Difficult For A Male To Have Sexual Intercourse Without One!
But One Thing I Need You All To Always Note Is That: Your Mind Can Be Very Powerful In Controlling Your Erections.
And That Is Why I Have Decided To Give Out Few Tips On How To Be In Charge Of Your Erection And Not Your Erection Being In Charge Of You.
As Singles, The Following Tips Are Necessary:
1. Think Nonsexual Thoughts To Avoid Becoming Sexually Aroused: As A Single, Whenever The Thought Of Sex Fails To Leave Your Mind, It Will Be Very Difficult For You To Avoid Being Drown By Your Erection. So Instead, Think About Homework, Party, The Scripture Or An Upcoming Event That Excites You.
2. If You Wear Boxer Shorts And Have Frequently Occurring Erections, Consider Wearing Briefs Or Boxer-brief Underwear: These Tend To Fit Tighter And Could Help Hide Your Erection From Public View.
If Worse Comes To Worst, Just Stay Seated And Remain Calm Until The Erection Goes Away After Implementing The First Tip. If You Have To Get Off The Bus, Consider Untucking Your Shirt. Or Use Your Backpack Or A Textbook To Shield It.
3. Distract Yourself From Your Present Thought: We All Know That It's Much Easier Said Than Done, But If You Can Find A Way To Distract Yourself, You Are Halfway Home. Get Your Mind Focused On Something Important, Irreverent, Or Just Plain Weird. According To A Research I Just Did Recently, It's Being Discovered That It's Hard To Actually Think And Have An Erection At The Same Time.
Remember, It's Usually Mind Over Matter When It Comes To Erections. Find What Techniques Work Best For You While Hormones Are Ruling Your Body
Sometimes, Life Throws You A Curveball. You're In A Social Situation, Or With The Opposite Sex, And Before You Know It, There's A Rumbling In Your Loins. Fine, We've All Been There Before: It's Awkward As All Heck And The More You Try, The Worse It Seems To Get. But I Am Here Today To Tell You, Fret Not, Compatriot. An Unwanted Erection Will Bow To Your Will If You Know The Right Techniques — A Combination Of Mind And Body Control.
One Of The Major & Important Fruit Of The Spirit In The Bible Is The Spirit Of Self Control, When One Possesses This, One Is In Charge. Today, Try Seek For It If Not Gotten.
It Is Very Rewarding & Honouring To Be In Charge Of One's Life, Than Being Controlled By A Common Feeling. Control Your Erection, Don't Let It Control You.
God Bless.

Thanks for reading!!!

If this blessed you, share to bless others!!!

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© ODERINDE TAIWO JOEL

     DR. HESPEY (2018)

THE UNTERMINATED PREGNANCY - BY DR. HESPEY

A SHORT STORY & A LESSON FOR SINGLE GUYS/LADIES
THE UNTERMINATED PREGNANCY

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

It All Started About 3 Decades Ago.
Whereby A Woman Got Married As A VIRGIN To Her Beloved Husband, Their First Of Her Conceptions Was That Of A Baby Girl After Her Wedding, Few Years Later, This Same Woman Conceived For The Second Time In Her Marriage.
This Great Woman Never For Once Thought Of Terminating The Pregnancy. Do You Know Why?
Its Simply Because It Wasn't OUT OF WEDLOCK.
She Hereby Carried The Pregnancy With Her Throughout The 1st, 2nd & The 3rd Semester Without Any SHAME, Without REGRET, Simply Because It Wasn't OUT OF WEDLOCK.
With The Aid Of Her Husband, She Push And Pull Through All The Difficulties A Twin Pregnancy Could Bring.
She Finally Gave Birth To Her Baby.
But To Her Surprise, She Gave Birth To 2 Fabulous Kids On The 7th Of August Of That Year.
Wow, What A Day It Was For The Family Of The Oderindes.

My Dear Single Guys & Ladies,
When Pregnancy Comes In, In WEDLOCK, There Is NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
NO SHAME ATTACHED.
NO REGRET.
This Is Because It Is In WEDLOCK.
It Is Wanted, Just As The WILL OF GOD For Every Marriage.
Stay Clear From Premarital Sex, Choose Sexual Purity.
Kudos To My Dad.
Kudos To My Mum.
They Both Brought Blessings To The World.
Rest On Mum.
Rest On Dad.
We Miss You!!!
Happy Birthday to RACHKENNY & DR. HESPEY Once Again.

Thanks for reading!!!

If this blessed you, share to bless others!!!

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© ODERINDE TAIWO JOEL

     DR. HESPEY (2018)

A SICK MARRIAGE & ITS CURE - BY DR. HESPEY

A SICK MARRIAGE & ITS CURE

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

The Thought Of Something Falling Sick And The Need For Revival Came To My Mind. As A Student, Whose Examination Is About To Start In Few Days, I Thought About How Being A Failure Usually Thrust Up In Students, Of Which I Discovered That Avoiding Being A Failure As A Student Requires The Habit Of Hard Study Which Is The Only Cure To Academic Failure.
Bringing This Perspective Into Marriages, I Discovered That Most Married Couples These Days Find It So Hard To Solve Issues Within Their Marriage, Instead Of Finding Solution (S) To Its Defects, Some Choose Break Up As The Best Option, Meanwhile It's Never The Best.
Dear Married Couples, Though I Am Not Married Yet, But The Perspective Of Being Sick & Being Cure Came Into My Mind And God's Faithfulness Dip In Thoughts Of Marriage Into Me.

SO TO THIS EFFECT, I BRING TO YOU THE CURE OF A SICK MARRIAGE, LABELLED THE FIVE "R" TO CURE A SICK MARRIAGE.

1. RECOGNISE That You Have The Power To Redefine The Marriage. I See Recognition As An Assurance Of Victory.
Even If You Feel Like A Victim, You Play A Role In Setting Up What Is And Isn't Acceptable In Your Marriage.

As A Student, When I Stop Assimilating Academically, The First Thing I Did Was That I Trace It Backward To The Point When It Start And How It Began, And From There, I Was Able To Move On. So I Believe That For Every Crisis, There Must Be A Source, Which Means It Actually Started From A Point. So To Get Them Settled, RECOGNISE The Source.
2. One Of Those Cure Each & Every Marriage Need Is That: In Any Circumstances Of Your Marriage, Learn To Believe It's Never Too Late To RECONCILE.
It Is Not Too Late:
3. This Statement Is Actually Coming In A View That You Can Rescue Your Marriage, RECONCILE And RECONNECT With Your Partner.
It May Not Be Easy, But Here's My Advice On Where To Begin.
Stop The Ego-driven Power Struggle. I See Ego As A Foundation Leaker.
Don't Be A "Right-fighter."
Destroying Your Marriage So You Can Be Right In Every Argument Doesn't Worth It, So Be Very Careful In This Aspect.
Make A Promise To Work On Your Marriage Every Single Day, Not Just During The Bad Times, But Also During The Good Ones. This Bring A Fulfilling & Lasting Unionism.
4. Make A Plan Together To RENEGOTIATE The Marriage. I See RENEGOTIATION As A Foundation RENOVATOR.
Even Patterns That You've Had For 20years Or More Can Actually Changed If You Put This In Practice. For The Fact That You've Been In That Sick-marriage State For Years Doesn't Mean It Has No End.
5. Your Vows Are About COMMITMENT, Not Method. I See COMMITMENT As The Major Key For A Successful Marriage, With A Long Lasting Partnership.
If Perhaps The Methods You've Been Using Aren't Working, It's Time To Try New Ones.
Choose:
RECOGNITION
RECONCILIATION
RECONNECTION
RENEGOTIATION &
RECOMMITMENT.
May The Good Lord Strengthened Every Home & May He Cure All Sick-marriages In Jesus Name!!!

Thanks for reading!!!

If this blessed you, share to bless others!!!

To read more, visit: www.drhezpey.wordpress.com or www.abstinencetillmarriage.wordpress.com or www.godlyrelationshipadvocateministry.blogspot.com

For enquires/sponsorship/partnership/counsellings: 09097964134 (WHATSAPP) or 07061522492 (VOICE CALLS)

© ODERINDE TAIWO JOEL

     DR. HESPEY (2018)

MASTURBATION: VINDICATIVE OR IMPLICATIVE? - BY DR. HESPEY

MASTURBATION: VINDICATIVE OR IMPLICATIVE?

WRITTEN BY DR. HESPEY

Masturbation Is Actually An Act Of Toying Or Playing With One's Organs To Bring Out Sexual Urges And It Is A Common Activity. It’s A Natural And Safe Way To Explore Your Body, Feel Pleasure, And Release Built-up Sexual Tension. In My Recent Case Study, I Discovered It Occurs Among People Of Different Genders, And Races.
The Real Truth Is That There Are Actually No Physically Harmful Side Effects Of Masturbation. However, Masturbation Can Be IMPLICATIVE On Your Relationships And Everyday Life. Other Than That, Masturbation Is A Fun But Unhealthy In Some Aspect Of Medical & Religiously.

Through My Counselling Years, I Have Come Across Many People Who Think That Masturbation Is Really Nothing To Worry About, But In Real Sense, It Can Be IMPLICATIVE By Becoming A Bad Addiction.

Now Let's Take It To A Case Study Of A Drunkard Who Fools Himself That He Is Not Addicted To Alcohol, People Who Are Addicted To Masturbation Will Deny The Fact That They Have Become Addicts.

Recent Brain Science Research Gives Us New Insight Into This Complex Topic. From Your Brain's Perspective, Masturbation Is Literally "Self-sex" Which Can Create Three Challenges:

1. The Neurochemical Rush Triggered By Sexual Experiences Can Turn Masturbation Into A Convenient Drug Of Choice For Pleasure, Escape, And Self-medication From Loneliness, Boredom, Insomnia, Negative Emotions, And The Stresses Of Life. Over Time, The Brain's Highly Efficient Powers Of Habit-formation Turn Masturbation Into A Chemical Dependency Which Is Termed "Addiction".

2. Masturbation Interferes With Healthy Sexuality In A Marriage. The Same Neurochemicals That, During Marital Intimacy, Enhance Your Relationship With Your Spouse, Redirect Your Desire Toward Your Self Rather Than Your Spouse. Over Time, "Self-sex" Becomes Your Brain's Preferred Method For Achieving Sexual Gratification.

3. Masturbation Is Contrary To God's Plan For Sexuality To Be Self-giving With Love. As An Act Of Self-gratification Focused On Lust, Masturbation Cheats Both The Individual And The Spouse Out Of The Powerful Potential God Built Into Human Sexuality. Habitual Masturbation Can Lead A Person To Look At All Of Life From A Selfish And Lustful Point Of View.

Other Deduced Implicative Part Of Masturbation Gotten From Those Who In Time Past Were Victims Are As Follows:
Headache
Dizziness
Nervousness
Pain In The Shoulders And Sides
Pain In The Back And Legs
Rheumatism - Inflammation Or Pain In Muscles, Joints, Or Fibrous Tissue
Loss Of Appetite Leading To Weight Loss
Fluid Retention (Edema) – Weight Gain
Insomnia
Tiredness
Great Exhaustion After Exercising
Sallow Countenance (Your Face Looks Like You Have The Flu – That Sick, Dead Look)
Loss Of Memory And Sight
Loss Of Concentration And Focus (Brain Fog)
Increased Risk Of Cancer
Abrasions Or Swelling Of The Penis
Difficulty In Performing Real Sexual Intercourse Because Of A Weak Erection
Premature Ejaculation
Semen Leakage
Reduced Orgasm
Loss Of Sex Drive Towards The Opposite Sex.
Not Only Will Your Body Be Affected, But Your Mind Too Will Also Be Tampered With.

So Having Known All These IMPLICATIONS, Now Lets Get Down To The Way Out Of All These Implications.
The Following Are Ways To Avoid This Act.

1. Talk To Someone You Trust.

The Very First Thing Is To Discuss With Someone Of Better Reputation. If You Feel Like It’s Becoming Hard For You To Avoid Masturbation, Try Talking To Someone You Trust And Who Can Help You. These People Can Include Your Church Pastor, Counsellor, Close Relative Or Friend. It Is Certain That You May First Feel Like It’s Embarrassing But At The End, You Will Find Help And Avoid Getting Addicted To Masturbation.

2. Don’t Watch Pornography:

Watching Porn Can Easily Lead To Masturbation. Instead Of Watching This Diminishing Videos, Try Watching Something Comical Or Non-sexual Related Content.

3. Avoid Being Alone:

Being Alone Can Prompt Ideas Of Masturbation Especially If You Have Tried It Once. Having People Around You Will Stop You From Having Such Ideas. Always Try To Be In The Public And With Time You Will Be Able To Completely Stop Masturbation.

4. Avoid Reading Articles Which Suggest Masturbation Is Good Or Not Harmful:

Reading Such Articles Will Make You Feel Like You Are Doing The Right Thing And Thus, You Will Easily Get Addicted To Masturbation. Instead, Read The Articles Suggesting That Masturbation Is Bad And Very Harmful And Can Destroy Your Relationship With God. This Way You Will Not Even Think Of Masturbation Let Alone Doing It.

Thanks for reading!!!

If this blessed you, share to bless others!!!

To read more, visit: www.drhezpey.wordpress.com or www.abstinencetillmarriage.wordpress.com or www.godlyrelationshipadvocateministry.blogspot.com

For enquires/sponsorship/partnership/counsellings: 09097964134 (WHATSAPP) or 07061522492 (VOICE CALLS)

© ODERINDE TAIWO JOEL

DR. HESPEY (2018)